Wired magazine’s GeekDad blog recently posted “100 Quotes Every Geek Should Know.”* While the list reads like the credits from Free Enterprise – and there is a plethora of geek-gospel included (“Five card stud, nothing wild. And the sky’s the limit.” makes me tear up just reading it.) – out of the 100 quotes chosen only four were spoken by women (five if you count the Bene Gesserit litany against fear from Dune, and six if you count Battlestar Galactica’s “So say we all.”).
So, of course it’s my duty as the Ink-Stained Amazon to respond with a list of my own: 100 Quotes Every Geek Should Know – The Positively, Gratuitously, Lovingly Grrrl Geek Edition
Post your favorite quotes, mantras, puns, and sass – spoken by women – that every geek should know in the comments!
1. “He likes his tea stirred anti-clockwise.” – Mrs. Emma Peel taking the piss out of new girl, Tara King, on The Avengers
2. “I never try anything. I just do it. And I don’t beat clocks, just people! Wanna try me?” – Varla in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
3. “Oh, you’re cute . . . like a velvet glove cast in iron.” – Billie in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
4. “My name . . . is Pussy Galore.” – Pussy Galore in Goldfinger
5. “Get away from her, you Bitch!” – Lt. Ellen Ripley to the Alien Queen in Aliens
6. “Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?” – Princess Leia in Star Wars IV: A New Hope
7. “You’re terminated, fucker.” – Sarah Connor in Terminator
8. “Come with me if you want to live.” – Cameron in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (or any number of people).
9. “I got my black belt in barstools!” – Foxy Brown in Foxy Brown
10. “Hailing frequencies open.” – Lt. Nyota Uhura in Star Trek (and uttered by astronaut Dr. Mae Jemison, the first black woman in space, on her trip to the final frontier).
11. “I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death. … No living man am I! You look upon a woman.” – Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings
12. “They were exaggerating totally.” – Sam Belmont in Night of the Comet
13. “C’mon Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives.” – Reggie Belmont in Night of the Comet
14. “And after the spanking, the oral sex.”– Dingo of Castle Anthrax in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
15. “If I were to kiss you . . . Would you think I was a Bad Girl?” – Catwoman on Batman
16. “Ridiculous. I said ‘Ridiculous.’ Nonsense. Foolish prattle. How can Batgirl be the best anything when Catwoman is around? No “Best Dressed” list is complete without the addition of the Queen of Criminals, the Princess of Plunder, yours untruly. And any comparison between Batgirl and myself – she runs a poor third.” – Catwoman on Batman
17. “I just want them to know that they didn’t break me.” – Andie in Pretty in Pink
18. “I know I’m old enough to be his mother, but when the Duck laid that kiss on me last night, I swear my thighs just went up in flames! He must practice on melons or something.” – Iona in Pretty in Pink
19. “I can’t believe I gave my panties to a geek.” – Samantha in Sixteen Candles
20. “Break his heart and I’ll break your face.” – Watts in Some Kind of Wonderful
21. “I feel like I’m babysitting except I’m not getting paid.” – Stef Steinbrenner in Goonies
22. “Don’t fuck with the babysitter!” – Chris Parker in Adventures in Babysitting
23. “I invented Post-Its.” – Romy White in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
24. “I’m the Mary, and you’re the Rhoda.” – Michele Weinberger in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
25. “This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.” – Heather Mooney in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
26. “It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that, I’m sorry. But you can take my word for it, your mother had it coming. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I’ll be waiting.” – The Bride in Kill Bill
27. “You and I have unfinished business.” – The Bride in Kill Bill
28. “Bitch, you don’t have a future.” – The Bride in Kill Bill
29. “All right, but you’re so damned ugly.” – Dr. Zira on kissing Taylor in Planet of the Apes
30. “Towanda!” – Evelyn Couch in Fried Green Tomatoes
31. “I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my love of violence.” – Turanga Leila of Futurama
32. “Nancy Drew says that all a person needs to solve a mystery is an inquisitive temperament and two good friends. And I’ve got an inquisitive temperament. Maybe I could help solve this.” – Lisa Simpson of The Simpsons
33. “I can see through time . . .” – Lisa Simpson of The Simpsons
34. “I AM the Lizard Queen!” – Lisa Simpson of The Simpsons
35. “Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.” – Elaine Benes of Seinfeld
36. “I just couldn’t decide if he was really sponge worthy.” – Elaine Benes of Seinfeld
37. “You fought her off… with a water pistol! I bloody love you!” – Donna Noble on Doctor Who
38. “Yes! Live! Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” – Auntie Mame in Mame
39. “Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great — You have no power over me.” – Sarah in Labyrinth
40. “If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.” – Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind
41. “Leapin’ Lizards!” – Little Orphan Annie in Annie
42. “Tell me of your homeworld, Usul.” – Chani in Dune
43. “Big Damn Heroes, Sir.” – Zoe Washburne on Firefly
44. “I may be dead, but I’m still pretty.” – Buffy Summers on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
45. “So here’s the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman… is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power… should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers… every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?” – Buffy Summers on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
46. “I can’t believe you of all people are trying to Scully me.” – Buffy Summers on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
47. “There’s no use arguing with me. Do you see my resolve face? You’ve seen it before. You know what it means.” – Willow Rosenberg on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
48. “I think I’m kinda gay.” – Willow Rosenberg on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
49. “Bored now.” – Vamp Willow Rosenberg on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
50. “Thank God we’re hot chicks with superpowers.” – Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
51. “Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposes! They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for, anyway? Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be bunnies! – Anya on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
52. “Mmm-hmmm. Long time ago. Doggy Chow… I used to love Doggy Chow.” – Cristal Conners in Showgirls
53. “Thanks. I bought it at ‘Ver-sayce’.” – Nomi Malone in Showgirls
54. “Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then – then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!” – Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s
55. “What was sundered and undone shall be whole – the two made one.” – Aughra in The Dark Crystal
56. “We’d better get back, ‘cause it’ll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night… mostly.” – Rebecca “Newt” Jordan in Aliens
57. “I’m never getting married. You want an absolute? A sure thing? Well, there it is. Veronica Mars, spinster…old maid. Carve it in stone. I mean, come on. What’s the point? Sure, there’s that initial primal drive…hormonal surge…whatever you want to call it. Ride it out. Better yet, ignore it……Sooner or later, the people you love betray you. And here’s where it ends up – fat men, cocktail waitresses, cheap motels on the wrong side of town. And a soon-to-be ex-spouse wanting a bigger piece of the settlement pie. That’s where I come in. Twenty-two dollars an hour is cheap compared to the long-term fiduciary security sordid photography can secure for you, your offspring……your next lover. But do us a favor. If it’s you in there. Dispense with the cuddling. This motel tryst? It is what it is. Make it quick. That person sitting in a car across the street might have a Calculus exam in five… make that four…hours, and she can’t leave until she gets the money shot.” – Veronica Mars in Veronica Mars
58. “I do not hate men, Sub-Mariner. I merely know I’m as good as they are.” – Valkyrie in The Defenders
59. “Look, I-I may not be an explorer, or-or an adventurer, or-or a treasure seeker, or a gunfighter, Mr. O’Connell, but I am proud of what I am…I…am a librarian…” – Evie in The Mummy
60. “My name is Sydney Bristow. Seven years ago I was recruited by a secret branch of the CIA called SD-6. I was sworn to secrecy, but I couldn’t keep it from my fiancé”. And when the head of SD-6 found out, he had him killed. That’s when I learned the truth: SD-6 is not part of the CIA. I’ve been working for the very people I thought I was fighting against. So, I went to the only place that could help me take them down. Now I’m a double agent for the CIA, where my handler is a man named Michael Vaughn. Only one other person knows the truth about what I do, another double agent inside SD-6. Someone I hardly know – my father.” – Sydney Bristow on Alias
61. “With this money I can get away from you. From you and your chickens and your pies and your kitchens and everything that smells of grease. I can get away from this shack with its cheap furniture. And this town and its dollar days, and its women that wear uniforms and its men that wear overalls.” – Veda Pierce in Mildred Pierce
62. “I saw amazing things, out there in space–but there is strangeness to be found, wherever you turn. Life on Earth can be an adventure too… you just need to know where to look!” – Sarah Jane Smith in The Sarah Jane Adventures
63. “You’re under arrest, Sugah!” – Christie Love in Get Christie Love
64. “You’re a warrior princess and I’m an Amazon Princess. That is going to make such a great story!” – Gabrielle in Xena, Warrior Princess
65. “Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.” – Storm in The X-Men
66. “You’ve always been crazy, this is just the first chance you’ve had to express yourself.” – Louise in Thelma and Louise
67. “Do you wanna live forever?”- Valeria in Conan the Barbarian
68. “I know my future. You have none.” – Red Sonja in Red Sonja
69. “You want to spit on me and make me crawl? I’m gonna piss on your grave tomorrow.” – Flower Child Coffin in Coffy
70. “I am the edge.” – Aeon Flux in Aeon Flux
71.“Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they’ll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer. I believe there’s a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride.” – Aunt May in Spider-Man 2
72. “Oh, no, baby. No, you’re not gonna die. They are. . . . Cover your ears. Hey! Should we get a dog?” Charly Baltimore of The Long Kiss Goodnight
73. “You… you’ve got me? Who’s got you?” – Lois Lane in Superman the Movie
74. “Oh, I’ve seen how the other half lives. My sister, for instance. . . three kids, two cats, one mortgage….I’d go bananas after a week.” – Lois Lane in Superman the Movie
75. “Do you like pink?” – Lois Lane in Superman the Movie
76. “Anytime something like that happens, a wizard did it.” – Lucy Lawless as herself on The Simpsons
77. “Am I to understand that you want me to debunk the X-Files Project, sir?” – Special Agent Dana Scully on The X-Files
78. “Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi.” Liz Lemon in 30 Rock
79. “Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.” – Liz Lemon in 30 Rock
80. “I want to go to there.” – Liz Lemon in 30 Rock
81. “That’s a dealbreaker, Ladies!” – Liz Lemon in 30 Rock
82. “What kind of a lunatic would rather be Cleopatra than Eleanor Roosevelt? – Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation
83. “Do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement?” – Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation
84. “Pawnee’s library department is the most diabolical ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I’ve ever seen. They’re like a biker gang. But instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use political savvy… and shushing.” – Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation
85. “Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.” Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation
86. “I’m a feminist, OK? I would never ever go to a strip club. I’ve gone on record that if I had to have a stripper’s name, it would be Equality. But I’m willing to sacrifice all that I’ve worked for just to put a smile on your perverted little face.” – Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation
87. “Yeah? I’ll tell you what. Until I get back my five thousand dollars, you’re gonna get more than you bargained for. I’m your goddamn partner.” – Marion Ravenwood in Raiders of the Lost Ark
88. “Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I’m merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don’t get attached to things.” – Maude in Harold and Maude
89.“Lady Justice wept today.” – Sue Sylvester of Glee
90.“I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat; and then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face.” – Sue Sylvester of Glee
91.“When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into the musical as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused, then furious!” – Sue Sylvester of Glee
92.“That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.” – Sue Sylvester of Glee
93.“You know the law: Two men enter, one man leaves.” – Auntie Entity in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
94.“Well, ain’t we a pair, raggedy man.” – Auntie Entity in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
95.“This whole world’s wild at heart and weird on top.” – Lula in Wild at Heart
96.“My name is Peggy Olsen, and I want to smoke some marijuana.” – Peggy Olsen in Mad Men
97.“My name isn’t pretty-pretty, it’s Barbarella.” – Barbarella in Barbarella
98.“De-crucify the angel! De-crucify him or I’ll melt your face!” – Barbarella in Barbarella
99.“I think my feelings would best be expressed by a monologue from . . .” – Mary Katherine Gallagher from SNL and Superstar
100. “Donna Martin graduates!” – The Students of West Beverly High School, Class of ’93 on 90210
*Found by way of SciFi Wire.
